Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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