I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
