Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
