I'm really into asian looking animals
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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