I wish I could punch you in the face.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
