OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
