he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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