My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
