i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
