MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Shame - the story of my life.
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