In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
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