Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
