I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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