also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
