Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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