So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
