I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
