so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
