i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
you never un-have a 4some
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
