There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
dude. I can hear the air.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
