I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
