he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
