I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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