So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
