So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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