I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
