I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Randomize
