Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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