look no pants
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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