is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize