Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
