I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
