and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
