there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
