I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize