I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
