She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
