So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize