Moan for me like Helen Keller
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
