I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
