Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I did not marry a roomba.
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