How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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