Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
