he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
