Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
