dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
there is glitter all over my balls
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
