I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
there was a trapeze. enough said
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
