God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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