did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
