woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
