I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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