Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
