I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
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