Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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