At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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