had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
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