he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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