you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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