Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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