shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Randomize
