Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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