Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
