if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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