Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
