She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
