dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
