My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
