this boner is exhausting
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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