carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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