Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
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