don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
