I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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